How To Build Confidence?

  People often underestimate how confidence plays a role in them thriving or succeeding. But, it’s the starting point. Confidence gives you the permission to try. Have you ever sat quietly after being asked a question? Most likely, it’s not because you did not know the correct answer. It’s because you second guess yourself or in other words you did not trust yourself. The purpose of this blog is to help you build your confidence using the CARES principle. The CARES acronyms are practical tips you can implement immediately. 

Root causes of your lack of confidence?

 Your confidence is shaped by your experiences. If you have unsupportive parents or guardians who constantly criticize you instead of encourage you, then you develop the self belief that you can not do anything right. The result is the same if you have friends that constantly criticize you. 

Negative Self Talk. 

Another root cause of your lack of confidence is your negative self-talk. I want you to understand that your words are powerful. There are numerous researches or books that prove this concept. First, the Holy Bible says, “a man shall eat well by the fruit of His mouth” (Proverbs 13:2). This means that whatever you say, eventually will manifest. For those of you who are not believers in Jesus Christ. There is an adage that goes, “speak it in existence”. The words you say have the power to empower you or disempower you. If you tell yourself that “you are not smart” or “you are not capable, that will showcase in your actions”. 

I believe that confidence gives you the ability to try. When you believe that you can succeed at something you will boldly pursue it. The lack of confidence can hinder you from thriving in your career or entrepreneurship. I recalled I was at a staff meeting. My supervisor asked a question and went around the room for each person to answer. I do not remember the question,only the moment. I answered the question internally, however when he got to me I said my prevalent answer, “I do not know”.  He told us the answer, and I was right but doubted myself. This was not the first or second or third time I second guessed myself, this is one of many times. 

I realized that my lack of confidence was costing me more money and a higher title, so I did some deep work on myself to overcome it. I used the CARES acronym to boost my  confidence. 

C community 

A Accept 

R Repeat

E encourage

S small goals

Community. We all belong a part of a community, biological family, church, work or networking community etc. There are communities that are very toxic. This type of community degrades you, they do not believe in you or support you. If you are in a community like this GET OUT! If you want to elevate your confidence, join communities that uplift, encourage and support you.If you can not get out, limit your conversation with the person who belittles you. If you can not limit the conversation because you work closely with them, then set strict boundaries. Boundary is when you tell them how you want to be treated. For example, I do not like when you do xyz to me.  Join communities that uplift, encourage and support you, these types of people will make you believe you can do anything! 

Accept yourself. When I was younger I had a friend, let's call her “A”. She was the epitome of perfection to everyone. She was beautiful, had great grades and was very athletic. People constantly compare me and her and tell me to be like her. I started to emulate her style, the way she talks, moves etc. The more I became the unoriginal “A” I was chipping away at my uniqueness. The moment I embraced me, all of me, the flaws, the goodness, the silliness, my gifts and talent, I stepped into my greatness because I was no longer working from my weakness, but from my strengths. I also became confident in myself because the need for external validation is reduced. When you accept yourself you are silencing the voices that tell you that you are not enough. Being yourself unapologetically is a revolutionary act. 

Self love equals self acceptance.

Repeat. I used to believe that confidence was a personality trait, but this is a myth. Confidence is a skill set meaning it can be developed. Whatever you want to become confident in, put in the repetition. The better you become at the task, the more confident you will be in your ability to perform that task properly. For example, I want to become a better writer, therefore I made reading and writing a daily habit. The more I practice, the better and more confident I become. 

Encourage yourself. Your mouth is very powerful. I have read the Holy Bible and many self improvement books. They all talk about speaking things in existence. For example, the bible said, “a man shall eat well by the fruit of his mouth” (Proverbs 13:2). This means that whatever you speak over your life will manifest. Your words can either empower you or disempower you, also bring you miracle or stagnation. If you tell yourself that, “you are not smart”, or "you are not capable” you will begin to illustrate that. I recalled I was outside filming with a friend and a lot of people were walking pass me; I started to get shy and wanted to terminate shooting videos, but I said out loud, “I am not shy”. The shy phrase passed and I recorded  messages, while people were walking pass. This is one example of how your words are powerful. Instead of saying, “I can not…”, say, “I can…”

Small Goals. When I was younger I had a counselor who was trying to build my confidence, so she helped me to set really small goals that I could obtain. For example, I struggled with Math, so she gave me simple math problems to solve like PEMDAS. Solving those math problems gave me confidence that I would solve complicated ones. Did I become a Math genius? “No,” but I passed college math. 

Actionable steps. 

1. If you are in a toxic community that brings you down, GET OUT and do NOT look back. 

2. Make a schedule to practice the task you are not confident in. You can practice for 10 minutes or 20 minutes a day etc. 

3. Practice to stop saying “I can not…”, instead say, “I can…” For example, “I can not play sports. ” instead say, “I can play sports.”

4. If you got out of a toxic community, now start searching for a new community that's going to uplift, support and encourage you.